“70% of the people don’t know how to use the superlative degree in English”
That’s the most stupidest thing that I’ve ever heard.
My signature move is not caring which one yours is.
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Lackadaisical: when you have misplaced your daisical.
I’m aging like a fine banana
Me: why aren’t you sleeping?
3yo: I am sleeping.
Me: then why are we talking?
3yo: so I could tell you I’m sleepIng.
Me: you’re kind of creepy at night.
OMG. My wife’s boyfriend made such a fuss when I told his parents at dinner about how noisy those two are in bed.
*Pulls out pin*
*Throws fire extinguisher*
Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.
I don’t give my children “chores”. I give them “missions” and that change in the name has made my whole life easier.
When I say I’m as sober as a judge I mean Paula Abdul.
“Just because you can’t dance, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” -Alcohol