My son drew this picture of a giraffe. He explained that he ran out of room for the giraffe’s head 😆 I like it!
You Might Also Like
🎶 I’m a joker
I’m Al Roker
I’m a forecast broker
Looks like Tuesday there’ll be sun 🎶
Fun thing to say to your neighbors on the first meeting: I love the way your hair smells when you’re sleeping.
People always ask why I’m wearing a sombrero in my high school graduation pictures. Clearly, because it was my señor year.
[lifeguard panting and dropping me in sand] what the hell
[me trying to catch my breath] sorry. I thought you were a shark for most of that
shot through the heart
and you’re to blame
tetanus shots should go in the shoulder
this is grounds for a malpractice suit
I think the main issue with ‘The Hunger Games’ is that while her life is at stake, boy problems are still presented as legitimate threats.
My father in law drank four cartons of milk in less than six days, so I’ve decided we’ll need to ditch him pretty early on in the apocalypse.
Cat Burglar (noun)
: a burglar who is adept at entering and leaving the burglarized place without attracting notice
🐈⬛😂🖤
Hey, people who leave the volume on an odd, non divisible by 5 number, how do you live with yourselves?!
So are these single women just throwing themselves against walls as they masturbate?
It seems that after checking my bank account, I need to turn to a life of crime
This ATM has just charged me £2 for a transaction but told me to cover my PIN to prevent from being robbed.
Pretty ironic if you ask me.
I want to be 14 again so I can ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
jfc that’s a stupid idea and someone could get hurt so when can we do it?
Me: lol this guy is drunk after only two beers.
Wife: stop giving our toddler beer.
I hate when I think there’s an open parking space and then I have to run over a motorcycle.
Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor
[first date]
him: how do you feel about having children
me: I was going to get salad but I’ll try a bite of yours
A priest, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar. All three of them are Scarlett Johansson.
That awkward moment when someone asks if you’ve dyed your hair and you say no, its just clean.
I just feel like you shouldn’t be using a selfie stick unless you’re a T-Rex.
When I put my mind to something I can procrastinate about anything.
*first date*
Her: I have tattoos but I won’t say where, maybe you’ll need to investigate and find out? 😉
Me: Ah gotcha, I love investigating. *calls her mum*
Like a hot-air balloon ride above manure mountain I am over this shit and slightly unstable
My lady husky is mad I won’t feed her early so she just maintained eye contact with me and started chewing the corner of the brand new dining table.
I have a riddle about lice but it’s a real head scratcher
You know you’re old when you start telling people how much cheaper things used to be.
“My clothes don’t fit” should be a valid excuse not to go to work.
I once dated a guy only because he had a cool hidden safe behind a painting in the hallway he kept the spare toilet paper rolls in there