THE 3 PEOPLE IN EVERY CHIPOTLE LINE:
– guy ordering for his whole office who takes forever
– white lady who’s never been there before and doesn’t like spicy food. ends up getting a bowl of white rice and chicken
– guy who leans over sneeze-guard and is shouty about his order
My son is suspended?
Yes, in-school suspension.
So he goes to school?
Yes, but he’s suspended.
Suspended IN THE SCHOOL?
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DATE: What’s your favourite movie?
ME: Kill Bill
DATE: Oh. I prefer things more sophisticated
ME [long pause] Killiam William
interviewer: for your most recent job you put down “i cleaned out my car some”
me: that’s right
interviewer: and for a reference you put down “my friend jarret”
me: he was there
It’s amazing how much you can get away with by wearing an orange vest and a hard hat. I’ve been digging a hole in this Forever 21 for hours.
Personal Trainer: Show me the hardest thing that you do each day.
Me: *Goes out front door of gym, comes back in*
My husband and I have dedicated to potty training our 3-year-old this weekend because apparently we haven’t challenged our marriage enough lately.
Me: who is your favourite spice girl?
Guy On The Subway: paprika and I’m a man
You and I are just different. And by different I mean you’re stupid.
If you kill a spider you’re brave but if you kill a person you’re a monster, I’m really tired of these double standards
I cannot handle my parents 😭😭😭😂😂