Barista: How do you take your coffee?
My son just told me he’s changing his clock to military time so he can stay up later. He is not a smart boy.
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Netflix: are you still watching
Alexa: yeah he’s here
what do i do next
doc: so how are you feeling
doc: *phew* I hate to ruin a good mood
Google glasses? No thanks, too much tech. It’s weird
“You can secretly watch Netflix at work”
Oh, please take literally all of my money.
Me: *brings home new puppy*
My dogs: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
Q: If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you?
A: I don’t know. If everyone used the same hypothetical question to demonstrate a point, would you?
Do let me know if you’re ever unhappy with any of my Tweets. I will block you immediately. Anything to stop you being sad. You’re welcome 🙂
Boss: Just spend the company’s money with the same discretion as you would your own.
Me: I understand.
*bankrupts the company
Welcome to lion taming club, please take a seat. Good, now bring it with you. It is your primary weapon.