My son, Luke, loves how I named all my kids after Star Wars characters.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
You Might Also Like
I tried a little beginner’s yoga earlier. The ambulance should be here any minute.
A drinking game where you do a shot every time you are prompted to update Adobe
Drive thru service was invented for those of us who don’t have the energy to look presentable at 6 in the morning but need that coffee.
I’m so sorry dunkin donuts drive thru window worker.
PARK RANGER: to be a guide you need to be able to name all the animals
ME: no problem
[later w/ a group]
ME: that’s Greg, & that’s Linda…
I had to dig my first 3ft hole with a shovel that took hours just to plant a tree so I can indeed confirm I would never be able to bury a body.
son: *holding acorn* what’s this?
me: a tree
son: really?
me: in a nutshell, yeah
*takes construction hat to vet*
Please help. My turtle hasn’t moved in 8 years.
Bunnies are not the same as cats, but I dare you to tell the difference in a blind taste test.
we lost our power
“why?”
a transformer blew up by our house
*eyes widen* “that’s awes-”
it’s not as cool as it sounds
There should be a hotline you can call where you can safely pronounce words you’ve only ever read out loud for the first time, and they say “oh sweetie” and kindly explain how it’s pronounced.
Spring allergies- because my body likes to panic about plant sex
[feels adventurous]
As a kid: *climbs a tree*
As a teen: *dyes hair*
In my 20s: *backpacks thru Europe*
In my 30s: *tries a new TV show*
[at the auto parts store]
Me: I need windshield wipers for my Chryler
Counter Guy: What size engine
ME: This is my newborn, straight from the hospital.
OTHER PARENT: You’re parenting wrong.
I exercised for a whole hour and a half. It wasn’t all on the same day but still
i ordered the mcdonald’s land air and sea burger and my stomach quit in the middle of its shift
Brought home almond milk from the grocery store
My bf: You know, if you like nut milk you could….
Me: No
Romance is:
Making her a sandwich and cutting it in half using your miter saw for the perfect angle.
I don’t go down to the docks anymore because once I was mistaken for a big bag of sausages and got scooped up by a forklift. Life can be sad.
“Oh my gosh, this is the biggest donut I’ve ever seen.”
“Mam, that’s a tire.”
“Kids, get me a napkin.”
She wanted me to impress her in the bedroom so I showed her my organised sock drawer and my fresh matching bedding
I guess my least favorite author is probably Hitler
Nice tan, what’s your race? Carrot?
Me: I’m heading out to escort the canine on a jaunty trek about the neighborhood.
My husband: Why don’t you just say you’re going to walk the dog?
Dog: *goes absolutely nuts*
My bank balance is a gentle reminder that in a few years my twins will have to battle it out for one college place!
I’m far enough into my kids’ summer camp that my clothes dryer is now just a sandbox
Sometimes when my boyfriend and I aren’t speaking, we have the dog deliver notes to each other
I just got a message from the dog asking where the good mustard is
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.😁
just a heads up. i will be running around the house. as fast as possible. for the next 15 seconds. i will have no regard for furniture. or any individuals in my way. when i am done. do not ask me why i have done this. because i do not know
Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone’s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.