*Likes your fan page* *Hides activity from timeline*
My son mowed the lawn so if you need me I’ll be outside re-mowing the lawn.
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society: mothers get their very own day
me: what about sharks?
society: they get a whole week
Actually, until you cut into it it’s chocolate *magma* cake. If you could just bring me a menu with the proper nomenclature that’d be great.
ME: hi handsome, is this seat taken?
BUS DRIVER: yes, but you could literally sit anywhere else
I know a kid who throws her dress over her head to “disappear.” Sadly, it does not have the same effect when I do it.
My fridge just screamed “OH JESUS, WHAT NOW?” at me as I opened its door.
If it seems as though I love the dog more than you, kids, well that’s because he doesn’t have homework I need to help him with.
Wearing pigtails to relive my youth and scare men when I turn around.
my phone: here’s a
n o t i f i c a t i o n
me: not now my little radiation rectangle, not now