@LoveNLunchmeat: My son thinks he's studying for his math competition. What he doesn't know is that I'm just asking him all these questions until our checkbook is balanced.
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@_SingleBabyMama: I answer with an automatic "Yes" each time my mom says "Oh, have I told you...?" I could miss out on something good but chances are slim.
@ilovepie84: " So the boat was about to sink until I attached a sail to my boner and made it safely to shore" Me if I was on the Titanic.
@EndhooS: [Looking at ultrasound monitor with my wife] Wife: Look at it's little heart beating! Isn't it amazing... Me: It looks like a crossiant
@Jandalize: I accidental typed sinroof instead of sunroof and I may have just invented the greatest thing ever.