A little Caesar’s pizza joke, eh?
My sports team is better than your sports team!
*pulls out giant foam finger*
Whoa man, be cool
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Ended a relationship today. Don’t worry, it wasn’t mine.
Never underestimate a well placed “that’s what she said”. Unless your boss is standing behind you. Thanks for the heads up Michelle.
Judge: Yer charged with theft. What were ya thinkin’?
Gary Ray: My wife wanted a mink stole so that’s what i done did
ME: I’m heading to the shop
ROOMMATE: What are you going to get?
ME: [wearing a wedding dress] Compliments
I’ve got a great sense of humor *closes eyes and tilts head slightly upward* yes. there is humor nearby. 40, no, 50 yards from here
A little bird told me I’m on LSD and talking to a bird.
OK EVERYBODY GET DOWN!
[dave starts doing the electric slide]
Damn it Dave, not you, go grab the money
Whoever coined the term Downward Spiral should have made it sound a lot less fun.
Normal people flirting: Hey you’re cute we should go out sometime
Me flirting: So do you like bread