Life was so barbaric in the olden days. Imagine hitting snooze on a rooster.
My therapist asked me to list my good qualities:nnNice to everyone’s facenUsually wear deodorantnThin cheese slicernnThat took four hours.
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Me: “Is that a Dark Blue Wrangler up there in that tree?”
Friend: “A Dark Blue Warbler? Never even heard of that. Where?”
*I point to where I saw it, but it’s too late. The pair of jeans has already been spooked, and majestically flies off into the sunset.*
First base: drinks
Second base: hooking up
Third base: consistently hanging out for over 3 months and refusing to call it a relationship because both of you are terrified of commitment and communication
Advice from a 6 year old patient:
“You should wear your stethoscope everywhere…girls will really like you. You look smart”
Just cleaned out my desk.
Bad news: I apparently have 1,453 Sharpies and none of them are sharp.
Good news: I found the plane!
My husband drives me to drink.
Unless a friend volunteers.
“hey dad, when did they outlaw hyperboles?”
“hmm i dont know son, like a bajillion million years ago? idiot”
*cops bust down door*
To anyone who hates the idea of sequels, remember that there were 181 Blinks before we got the good one.
I don’t envy mama birds for how they have to feed their babies, but the pushing them out of the nest part sounds fun.