@ChemBtwnUs: My weather forecast is always "room temperature."
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@ShortSleeveSuit: [at a movie theater] Cashier: Can I help u? Me: One large cornpop please C: Sir it’s the other way around Me: Ok- can I help u?
@StarWarsProblms: Han: Leave us alone, you fat slug! Jabba: *speaks Huttese* C-3PO: The mighty Jabbs says your words are hurtful. He has a thyroid problem.
@louvregguk: normal person: 9+7=16 me: if 10+7 is 17 and 9 is one less than 10 then 9+7 must be 16
@yourbizsucks: I was best man at my friend's 2nd wedding. I started my speech with "welcome back everyone" he was not happy #weddingfail