@ChemBtwnUs
@VerifiedJayy
How do Amish guys know if its a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
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@VerifiedJayy
@nerdreign
When runner-ups in reality shows say, “I may not have won but I’m still a winner,” do they understand how language and/or competition works?
@pixelatedboat
Spiderman, Spiderman/
Does whatever a spider can/
Attends college/
Works as a photographer/
Just like a spider
@WoodyLuvsCoffee
The bigger issue about the Hobby Lobby decision is the fact that people working in a craft store are getting laid more than I am.
@UnFitz
[sloth wedding]
“I”
[six months later]
“do.”
@wyatt_privilege
one time in an oral argument the other guy made a latin legal joke I didn’t get, but the judge didn’t get it either so he just sounded like a moron while being smarter than both of us
@BunAndLeggings
My 4yo has been asking for no syrup on her pancakes. I thought it was really weird because she loves syrup, but today I saw her put a warm pancake on her face which explains the no syrup, and also probably why her face is so soft.
@Beerhaze
Having a wife and daughters, I try bottles in the shower until I find one that doesn’t burn my balls and wash myself all over with that one.
@amelianashh
I’ve been waiting for the perfect time to change my Netflix password so my ex can’t use it anymore and it doesn’t really get much better than a national lockdown
@DBMaxP
Who said losing weight was difficult?
“Hello Blood Center? How much longer before I can donate another pint?”