If you’re in a Mexican prison, “Jesus loves you” might not be very comforting words…
My weekly retreat is simple: driving alone down country roads for a couple of hours with tunes cranked up and singing loudly to livestock.
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Whoever named the White House and the Pentagon also probably named oranges.
Police chief: So what do we know about the serial killer?
Detective: He’s white
Other detective: A muscular build
Me: He kills people
5: “Mommy why not?”
Me: “Because you’re driving me crazy.”
15: MOM, WHERE’S MY NIRVANA SHIRT?!
Me: Name THREE songs & I’ll help you look for it.
The commando team infiltrates my base, sneaks up behind my guards, and executes the neck twist maneuver. But my owl guards are unharmed.
My music preferences range between something your grandma would listen to, to something that could potentially kill her.
7 out of 3 people are bad at fractions.
I never got the cat spayed but we did have ‘The Sex Talk.’
What is wrong with Riverdale that ARCHIE was the best option?