@Terdoh
If you’re in a Mexican prison, “Jesus loves you” might not be very comforting words…
@4boding
My weekly retreat is simple: driving alone down country roads for a couple of hours with tunes cranked up and singing loudly to livestock.
You Might Also Like
@Terdoh
@AnOrangeSNES
Whoever named the White House and the Pentagon also probably named oranges.
@onion_an
Police chief: So what do we know about the serial killer?
Detective: He’s white
Other detective: A muscular build
Me: He kills people
@StellaGMaddox
5: “Mommy why not?”
Me: “Because you’re driving me crazy.”
5: “How?”
5: “How?”
5: “How?”
5: “How?”
5: “How?”
5: “How?”
5: “How?”
5: “How?”
@Rachelnoise
15: MOM, WHERE’S MY NIRVANA SHIRT?!
Me: Name THREE songs & I’ll help you look for it.
15: …
@stevevsninjas
The commando team infiltrates my base, sneaks up behind my guards, and executes the neck twist maneuver. But my owl guards are unharmed.
@P0tterhead_394
My music preferences range between something your grandma would listen to, to something that could potentially kill her.
@ICagbanusi
7 out of 3 people are bad at fractions.
@Robert_Beau
I never got the cat spayed but we did have ‘The Sex Talk.’
@MaraWritesStuff
What is wrong with Riverdale that ARCHIE was the best option?