@KentWGraham: My wife celebrates Christmas on December 26th. That’s when she returns everything I bought her and gets what she wants.
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@GrowlyGrego: *breaks into your house at night* *finds your bedroom* *blows on you til you wake up* HI I'M CHET CAN I INTEREST YOU IN A SECURITY SYSTEM?
@Tylerosis: Facebook is where you'll find people sharing screenshots of sarcastic tweets and commenting "stupid".
@maurajbg: ME: Say "Anagrams are stupid" one more time & I will rearrange your face. YOU: Anagrams are stupid. ME: You farce.
@McGunnersite: I'm giving up alcohol for a month. Wait sorry, that didn't come out right : I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month.