@KentWGraham: My wife had me try three new positions in the bedroom last night. But she ended up wanting the dresser back where it was.
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@davedittell: ZOMBIE MOM: Brains for dinner! TEEN ZOMBIE: Again?!? [slamming bedroom door] I wish I was alive!!
@eedrk: [struts into party on stilts just as everyone starts talking about how they hate stilts. i try to turn around but careen over onto the cake]
@thenatewolf: Seeing the leaves change in autumn always reminds me of my Grandpa. He died falling out of a tree too.
@JasonLastname: First rule of robbing banks is you have to shout, "THIS IS A ROBBERY!" Otherwise they might think it's a baptism.