My wife just suggested that we change into something more comfortable, so you know what that means.

Spaghetti night. It’s spaghetti night.

You Might Also Like


Dentist: this is gonna hurt a little bit
Me: ok
Dentist: I’ve been sleeping with your mom


People laugh cause I’ve got 3 cats, but come the next Ice Age, when I speed past you on my cat sled, who’ll be laughing then?


Walked by a restaurant where they were using iPads for menus. How cheap are iPads now? More importantly, how expensive are menus?


Yoga Instructor: This is Warrior pose

Me:*Sitting down, eating a cheeseburger


I’m a Warrior who just slayed a McDonaldite


Son: *picks up backpack* I’m off!

Me: Where are you going?

Son: The bathroom. I hear it’s great this time of year. Been planning this trip for minutes.


Me: How was your trip?

Son: Highly recommend it. Good to get away for a while.


FUN PRANK: Replace signs for Red Cross Blood Drive line with “iPhone 6 in Stock” and watch the shenanigans ensue.


First date the man should pick up the bill. In the absence of a bill look for William instead.


[CPR dummy coming home from work]

WIFE: is that lipstick on your face? who’s been *does the air quotes gesture* ‘resuscitating’ you today huh?

DUMMY: for the last time Carol it’s my job


*Godzilla screeching in pain as he accidentally steps on Legoland*