@BradBroaddus

My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned.

She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.

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@SteveKoehler22

The original “Ben Hur” was a mega
hit movie ….with ( 11 ) Oscars.

The remake is a box office flop.

A clear case of “Ben Hur, Done That”

@kimtopher22

Getting my hair done Monday.
Good news for the kids who scream “WITCH” as they pass by my house, bad news for the birds that live in it.

@nayele18

You really have to question the judgment of people who have children on purpose.

@trevso_electric

One fist-bump from a cool black dude is worth 5 years of my parents loving me.

@AimeeHelene1

DON’T make this weird…

(I whisper in your ear, as I pet your eyebrows)

@rebrafsim

You’re not allowed to make up words. It’s illexical

@Easy_Tiger__

If Kristen Stewart played the daughter in Taken, Liam Neeson would probably just let the bad guys have her.

@EffdotEss

When you pick a name for your kid, type it in Microsoft Word first. If the red squiggly line shows up, please reconsider.