@ericsshadow: My wife ordered a pizza from Papa John's but I saved a step by throwing up before it got here.
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@krustythe_klown: The travel toothbrush has to be the greatest invention ever. Can you imagine having to lug around one of those regular heavy ones?
@dafloydsta: [job interview] "Name one of your strengths" I didn't stab anyone today "That's not-" Yesterday wasn't so good tho
@ASmallFiction: "Where do you get your ideas?" he said. "Same place you do," she said. "No, seriously-" "And I go early so I can take all the best ones."