@tchrquotes: My wife says the sweetest things in the morning like"Love you," & "DID YOU SERIOUSLY EAT ALL THE COOKIE DOUGH FOR BREAKFAST WHAT IS WRONG WI
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@0point5twins: QUESTIONS YOU CAN ANSWER BY PEEING ON THINGS: 1. Am I pregnant? 2. Does my boss have a very forgiving nature?
@WillociRaptor: a cool way to answer the phone is “dracula?” and when they tell you who is actually calling you say “okay phew”
@whatmaddness: *sees 54-year old on American Ninja Warrior* Through a mouthful of ice cream, "I've got plenty of time."