I’m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
Nancy Drew and the mystery of the seven minute stroller nap delaying bedtime by two hours
You Might Also Like
Still my favorite headline of all time:
me: so I just check out women all day?
grocery store manager: please stop saying it like that
Sarah: I’m a twin.
Me: Do you know what each other are thinking?
*meanwhile across town*
Sue: Sarah’s date isn’t going well.
What if Harambe was shot by a time traveler trying to prevent Planet of the Apes
APOLLO: I’ll be god of the sun
HERMES: OK I’ll take light-
A: I’m also light
ARTEMIS: I’ll take music
A: No I’m also music. That’s me too
Stop screaming. Lots of people rub their eyes with toes.
Defense: I have a boyfriend
CAS’S TELEPORTING SKILLS HAVE BEEN EXPOSED
I help my husband move furniture by saying “Oh my goodness, you are so strong” and “a little more to the left” and “so so strong” and “you know what, I liked it better the downstairs”