Need to bring up task manager so I can shut Monday down and then restart.

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Can I get a Hallelujah?


Can I get an Amen?


Can I get you to watch my kids for five minutes?



ME, MEETING ANYONE NAMED BLAIR: Hi, I loved your Witch Project.


It’s hard for me to commit when everyone I love is 70% water


My daughter has a lovebird and we’ve never gotten them sexed b/c it doesn’t matter and ppl were seriously like “but then how will you know what to name it????”

My kid was like “uh their name is Toast”


People keep telling me I behave like a man so I’m currently working up the courage to tell my husband he’s gay.


Sometimes I regret teaching my children an evidence-based approach to life #FathersDay


*Goes to Czechoslovakia to shop for a car with Automatic Braking System

*Czechs for ABS


*stands in front yard, hands on hips, giving each autumn leaf that falls on my lawn a stern, disapproving look*


my body: please, eat something green

me: ugh, fine! *eats mint chip ice cream*


Stephen is a much nicer name than “hen from a previous marriage.”