Me: *holding a frying pan*
Brain: hit someone with it
Brain: DO IT! It’ll go BONG!
need to find a better way to trick my dog into taking his medication bc the last 2 times he tricked me into taking it
You Might Also Like
[Antichrist emerging from the ground]
Oh, I see you’ve all been doing a good job without me.
me *opening a box of Mac and Cheese*
wife [sitting in the hot tub] No
kicked out of church. I yelled “YEAH WE “HAVE A MARIA”, SHE’S MY AUNT, WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING IT WEIRD”. mustve gotten too close 2 the truth
“well i asked asked her to move in after 3 months but i don’t think-”
[cop interrupts me] do you know how fast you were going IN YOUR CAR
Bake a book inside a cake and help a convict escape into his or her imagination.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
Picture someone stepping down off a curb that they didn’t realize was there. Now you can say you’ve seen me dance.
*walks up to fountain*
*throws in a shiny penny*
*looks over at mother-in-law*
*does throat slash motion*
We should call them Whether Men, because they don’t know whether or not it’s going to rain, get it? That’s a good one.