A guy just commented on how classy I am
So naturally I removed my finger from my nose so I could type, “Thank you!”
Negative effects of smoking Marijuana.
1. You now have less marijuana.
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“I love potatoes! They are delicious and so versatile. If only they could get me laid…”
-how vodka was born
This is so cornknee
Gynecologists in small towns spend a lot of time looking up old friends
Mafia boss: “So, did you do it? Is he dead?”
Me, suddenly realising what it means to ‘take somebody out’: “Oh, err…”
[a person with cold hands]
DONT YOU DARE TOUCH ME WITH THOSE
[a dog with cold paws]
POOR BABY COME HERE I WILL GIVE YOU ALL MY BODY HEAT
FORENSIC SCIENTIST: The killer is a Chimpanzee.
COP: How can you be sure?
GWEN STEFANI: *looking up from microscope* This shit is bananas.
[working on a car]
me: this isn’t as easy as I thought
boss: get that desk off there
A new study shows dolphins have great memory. Memories include “Swam in water” and “Ate”.
Him: what are you thinking about?
Me: how difficult do you think it would be to debone the little mermaid if you planned on filleting and eating her?