@BruceForce

Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like ‘responsibility’

Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like ‘responsibility’

- @BruceForce

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@treydayway

Don’t give people who sneeze loudly the attention they crave.

@ArfMeasures

Gmail: Someone has signed into your account!

Me: Yeah that was me

Gmail: No it was on another device!

Me: Yes my tablet

Gmail: Someone stole your tablet?!

Me: what no

Gmail: CALL THE POLICE

@NewDadNotes

[God creates walking]
Humans: nice

[God creates running]
Humans: haha nope

@BunAndLeggings

*tides knock down my sand castle*

Me: [looks up at moon] now it’s personal [loads pistol]

@RdrJay47

A virus that wipes out every photo filter across the internet but leaves the photos.

@H0TMessBarbie

I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He said I should prolly not go to those places anymore.

@TheBoydP

Protip: Eclipse glasses are not cheap but if you wait until tomorrow you can get a really good deal on them.