“Yeh hi who’s this? Sure he’s here hold on.. Drastic Measures! Call for u.”
“Who is it?”
*crowd goes wild*
Never tell a psycho that they’re psycho, because then they feel like they’re obligated to prove it.
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Obi-wan: These aren’t the droids
Stormtrooper: They look like them
Obi: So all droids look the same to you?
Trooper: No, I-
Black Super Mario
*Jumps on mushroom*
*Throws fireball at turtle*
*Slides down sewer pipe*
*Arrested for assault, arson, and trespass*
When Doves get married in a parallel universe they release screaming humans from the cage.
At the coffee shop, I saw a German guy reading the first few pages of a book about WWII and smiling. Keep reading, buddy. Keep reading.
Boyf said I look really pretty when I’m concentrating…I realised its cos I’m quiet! Either way it’s the last time I let him watch me poo
if you find yourself struggling creatively take a step back and realize that you are also struggling financially so at least you’re consistent
I’m watching Worst Cooks In America and one of them cut and avocado like this and lord help me
my feed is like:
eat the billionaires
we are all doomed
gummy bears singing ‘Someone Like You’
we are gonna die
Ok, all you people who adopt dogs and put “who rescued who?” stickers on your car… you drive me crazy!
Clearly it’s “who rescued whom?”