@YoungNobler: New Facebook technology can identify faces with 97.25% accuracy, and then ask you if you want to tag that statue in the background.
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@TheTweetOfGod: "Lord, can I have a pony?" Sure. Just as soon as I get a prayer from a pony asking for a little girl with no clue how to take care of it.
@NikiWithIssues: I'm gonna get a tattoo of me getting a tattoo of me getting a tattoo. Inkception.
@KeetPotato: me: [answers phone in meeting] "this better be important" wife: "i think we're having a baby" me: [sighs] "you told me that 9 months ago"