New Zealand prime minister Jacinda Ardern confirms Easter Bunny is classed as an “essential worker” but it might be “difficult for the bunny to get everywhere” in current circumstances.
Tooth fairy also confirmed as an essential worker.
You Might Also Like
How many blondes does it take to change a diaper?
Ask Hugh Hefner.
I’m a mom; hear me repeat myself.
I’m a mom; hear me repeat myself.
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
[eulogy]
My dear wife spent her life turning up the thermostat. I think she would have been thrilled that I had her cremated.
Me: It’s unrealistic that the Angels blindly trusted Charlie’s voice coming through a speaker, amirite?
Siri: I’m not sure I understand
Wife: We are lost
Me: *driving a Nissan Pathfinder* LOL I think we’ll be fine
Why let people drive you crazy when you know it’s in walking distance?
What idiot called them haunted houses and not bad manors?
Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk
Horrifying if literal: my girlfriend is a gym rat.
Ted Cruz continues to be a trailblazer as he becomes the first Hispanic person to flee FROM Texas TO Mexico because of ICE
People laughed when I said I wanted to be a professional snooker player. They’re not laughing now because it was ages ago.
A man messaged me on insta and said “you are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all
59 days until Christmas. I better start untangling the lights.
[wife gets home] did you feed the baby his spinach today?
[me doing push ups] hell no I’m not letting that baby get stronger than me
You want my friends and family rate? That’s double.
China are probably making all the medals anyway.
that feeling when u realize u just ate 1/2 a sticker
I no longer need Google.
I have a 22 year old in college.
Not to brag, but I have one of those metabolisms that I can eat anything I want and still get fat
Kylo Ren: We must find Luke Skywalker
General Hux: Why? He won’t fight & you don’t need training.
Kylo: He might have cool Vader souvenirs
mentally somewhere in italy
I’m not saying she’s worse than my mom…
But my wife doesn’t seem to like any of my girlfriends.
I bought new running shoes. They look really good while I sit outside and smoke
hi welcome to my podcast “consciousness was a mistake” today we’re gonna take a nap together to demonstrate that being aware of reality is bad
“Axe” is not going to help you get girls, unless you spray it in their eyes then quickly chloroform them.
My kids used to love the voice characters I’ve created while reading their favorite bedtime stories.
My wife during our sexy time does not.
I turned my phone onto “Airplane Mode” and threw it into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.
My son told me he used “air conditioner” in the shower so now I guess he has…cool hair.
Million dollar idea: Selling shower heads at the exit of a Ryan Gosling movie