The next person to tell me a joke about Indians & call centers is getting beaten to death with my snake charming flute.
“Up next, can more sex lead to a healthier & happier-”
*wife changes channel*
You Might Also Like
“no problem” -me lying
If someone tried to make me dig my own grave I would say no. They’re going to kill me anyway and I’d love to die the way I lived: avoiding manual labor.
I like to put a banana in each pocket just to confuse people.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I’ve gotta go find my clothes.
When people say “Let’s not get off on the wrong foot here”, I reply “Please don’t get off on either of my feet”.
how was your vacation
As a precautionary measure, the last time my mom asked me to help with her phone, I made sure to delete the Twitter app.
I only eat vegetarians.