@GaryJanetti: Next season on Game of Thrones they're actually going to come to your house and start killing the people watching.
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@IamEveryDayPpl: Her: I have a funeral to go to but I don't have a date yet. Me: Aw, you can't go alone? She meant the date of the funeral. I know that now
@UncleDuke1969: ME: *points at my "World's Greatest Dad" shirt* CO-WORKER: *points at his own "World's Greatest Dad" shirt* ME: *takes a sip from my "World's Greatest Dad" mug* CO-WORKER: *sips from his own "World's Greatest Dad" mug* ME: [eyes narrow] *draws "World's Greatest Dad" sword*
@HannahAntics: 30 seconds into Taylor Swifts new song I started hoping Kanye would interrupt her.
@13spencer: I'm going back to work tomorrow after the holiday break, which means playing that annual game: What food is rotting in the office kitchen?