@LizHackett: Nighttime is not for sleeping. It is for eating all the chocolate chips out of trail mix while thinking of every possible outcome for a situation you can't control.
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@ShortSleeveSuit: ME: maybe we should call taking a siesta with a family member a...napkin BRAIN SURGEON: *opening me back up* nurse we have to do this one over
@ThisOneSayz: He: did you burn dinner again? Me: it's a Flambé. He: it's mac and cheese Me: it's French mac and cheese!!
@lincnotfound: 8:23am: *calls mom, no answer* 8:57am: *calls mom, no answer* 9:12am: *calls mom, no answer* 9:26am: *calls mom, no answer* 9:27am: *takes a shower* 9:33am: *27 missed calls from mom* 9:34am: *calls mom, no answer*
@TheAlexNevil: Me: I'd like the chocolate soufflé Waiter: It takes 45 minutes to prepare M (right in her face): Then why are you still talking to me?