@animaldrumss

No, actually I hate gambling, that’s why the dice on my shirt are on fire. If I see someone start to gamble I’ll burn up his gambling dice.

No, actually I hate gambling, that’s why the dice on my shirt are on fire. If I see someone start to gamble I’ll burn up his gambling dice.

- @animaldrumss

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@bossy_bootz

3 things you never get back :

A word after it’s said

Time after it’s passed

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@BuckyIsotope

Due to inflation the number of the beast is now 812. Please adjust your satanic rituals accordingly.

@HairyJew4Life

Filing taxes is so depressing.

Do you own a home? No.
Have a spouse? Not even close.
Kids? Not that I know of.

Enjoy your refund, loser

@warbird622

Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on Twitter right now…..

@bridger_w

If approached by a bear, you can play dead, or you can acknowledge the bear, say hello, and see what it needs. Have some decency

@TheMichaelRock

Do women know that it’s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?

@Mr_Kapowski

Hi, I’m Zack. You might remember me from HR meetings such as, “We Don’t Even Need to Watch the Security Tape to Know It Was You”

@TPAIN

Yo. Real shit. Just bcause you went and got your logo printed on some t-shirts, that does NOT mean you have a clothing company. U got shirts