No generation will ever be joked about as much as millennials.
Gen Z: Hold my tide pod…
You Might Also Like
Produce is too expensive. Do you have any amateur duce?
I always take a fully loaded paintball gun to my psychiatric evaluations because even when I fail, it’s going to be with flying colors.
this is 10/10 content no notes
Just experienced LA to its fullest.
A girl ate a habanero pepper and panicked and someone offered her a glass of milk and she paused mid freak out and goes “do you have almond milk?”
Seems a bit forward
Your love is like Vicodin. You take away my pain but make me sick to stomach afterwards and you’re also white.
Welcome to Gullible Victim Club.
Lol. I can’t believe you showed up. Now gimme your purse or I’ll stab you.
My rose versus your carnation.
FLORAL COMBAT!
Who called them “homo erectus'” and not… Wait, that’s actually pretty funny. Good job guy who named them “homo erectus'”
My wife says brushing my teeth when sitting on the toilet is disgusting but honestly this toilet brush is almost brand new
My favorite thing about teaching high school is when a student turns something in a week late and then emails two hours later because I haven’t graded it yet. It’s great.
DOCTOR SNAIL: *out of breath* I got here as fast as I could. How’s the patient?
NURSE: *Pointing to a skeleton in the bed* Not good
[rap battle]
Opponent: *crushes it*
Me: Oh, I… umm. I thought this was something else… *hastily hides plastic wrap behind back*
A woman could tweet “My dog just died” and she would get replies like “Well, I’m not dead ;)”
God: let’s make their hands able to become cups so they can drink
Angel: that’s pretty cool
G: but only a little bit
A: ooookaaaayy…
G: and they’re leaky as hell
A: there it is
Me: Go ahead.
Waiter: Huh?
Me: You’re staring at my hair. Go ahead & touch it.
Waiter: There’s a leaf in it.
If you’re bored and looking for something to do this weekend, a reminder that you should not start running for president
As seen on Reddit: “Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people”.
Discuss.
Please don’t block me. 🤣🤣🤣
Wait, you actually took my advice?! You poor poor thing.
It’s Thursday the 12th so I put on a hockey mask and sent some passive aggressive emails
Why do paintings of people centuries ago never show pimples? Ur telling me these people who drank shit water and took baths 2x a decade had clear skin?
Your name is Jeff with a G? Jeffg? Ok
Me: Why aren’t you in bed?
5: I need smooth jazz.
Me: Uh what?
5: I NEED YOU TO PLAY ME SMOOTH JAZZ!
Guy on Tinder: I speak 12 languages
Me:
Guy on Tinder: I made my niece a yacht out of chewing gum, balsa wood, and macaroni
Me: *plays the kazoo perfectly with my left nostril
god: okay the day that is happening now is called today
angel: *writing* ok
god: and the day that just ended is called terday
angel: terday?
god: yes terday
angel: *writing* ok
Best table by far
Met a man named Drew like 3 days ago. We exchanged numbers. This morning I woke up in a group chat, started by his alleged wife, with 8 other women. It’s been comedy and chaos ever since 😂.
Coworker: By your age I was on my 3rd child already.
Me: Wow that’s a lot of kids to eat in a such a short period of time.
*Gets haircut*
“Omg I love it”*Ten minutes later*
“Dear God what have I done?”