@AndrewNadeau0: No one told me about Snapchat filters so all this time I've just been taping animals to my face.
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@abraveturtle: serious question: when someone's telling you a sad story and crying how long should I wait before take a bite of my corn dog?
@Dank_Pal: ~Little Mermaid family meeting~ Ariel.... We found this hidden in your top drawer. *places sea cucumber on table*
@david8hughes: "Write this down." [Moses grabs tablet] "Thou shalt have no other Gods bef-" "Slow down, fella. It's gonna take me an hour to carve 'Thou'."
@muse_me_again: Just once when someone says, "Is anyone there?" in a scary movie, I want the villain to be like. "What up. I'm over here. You got me."