@RunOldMan: No sense buying a memory foam mattress if you're just going to toss and turn all night, it'll be confused.
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@KaylarWill: It's a shock to me that people actually pay their student loans. That's a bill I gave to Jesus
@DanMentos: ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking... and this [copilot starts sick beatbox] is your captain rapping ALL OUT OF FUEL ALL OUT
@PleaseBeGneiss: WIFE: *holding pregnancy test* well this is unexpected ME: *rubbing wife’s tummy* can we discuss a different name?