no show does a misunderstanding/miscommunication plot better than modern family does 😭
You Might Also Like
Dog outside: Hey! Listen up all you losers! I’m the coolest dog on this block! No one is smarter or funnier than me! Get used to it!
My dog from the window: THAT’S! NOT! TRUE! Who said that?! Show yourself! I think you’re awful!!
The word “brewery” sounds like a drunk guy slurring a better word
judge: my god
divorce lawyer whispers to my wife: we got him
[high school reunion]
Amanda: wow, you haven’t changed a bit
me: [covered in acne and wearing faded Pokemon shirt]: yeah I know
Kylo Ren: I can’t read your mind! How are you resisting me?!
Rey: Occlumency lessons from Professor Snape.
Woke up this morning after a hard night of boozing, stepped on the scale and I lost 3 pounds.
There ya have it. Dignity weighs 3 pounds.
Something extremely foolish must be done about all this.
Me: *reads a lot, has many books, all things considered, a book person*
Person: So, what’s your favourite book?
Me: I cannot think of one book that I have read. I have never read a single book. What are books?
Me: *shoots gun*
Cop: you’re under arrest for murdering a gun
They just announced step away from the windows at O’Hare because of a tornado warning and crazy storm, so about 10 people got up and walked towards the windows to take pictures.
Airport security: no liquids on the plane
Me: ok *starts drinking it*
Airport security: people usually just throw away the shampoo
Want to lose weight for the Summer? Don’t worry, simply check-in your bags here. That’s 23 kilos you’ll never see again.
New Neighbor: Hi, I’m Derek; I moved in downstairs.
Me: I’m Spencer; I’ll be looking in your window and judging your decorating choices.
*turns on alarm*
Alarm: I have a headache
Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’
Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’
me: ah finally a night when i can go to sleep early and rest up
my upstairs neighbor: it is time to learn how to play the upright bass
contractor: I finished installing the secret entrances, death ray, and crocodile moat. all that is left is the payment
super villain: no
contractor: right, should’ve seen that coming
Year 2696.
Archeologists 1: *looking at cursive written on an ancient wall* Come here, I’ve made a discovery. What does it say?
Archeologist 2: If my translation is correct it says, “For a good time, call your mom.”
My 4yo is trying to wash the dishes for me so don’t tell me I’m not allowed to have a favorite child.
Some days I think I’m brilliant.
Other days I ask myself if there’s a “u” in forty.
If I was ever told to “dress to impress” my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out
Married With Children is a hilarious sitcom until you’re 35 and realise it’s a chilling documentary.
Just caught a glimpse of myself naked –
Apologies in advance to my coroner
I’m not doing ANYTHING until he asks nicely
My son – not this again
Cop –
i hope jessica biel names her first child ‘batmo”
cop: can you step out of the car, sir?
me: [remaining in my seat] yes i CAN step out of the car ;D
cop:
me:
cop: um may you step out of the car, sir?
me: actually i might be on a teensy bit of opium so let’s revisit that first question
you pass by on your run. i’m on the front porch hacking into my neighbors neurolink and having him wash my dad’s van
[ first date ]
her: i want a partner that can open my heart
me: well i am a surge-
her: and never do anything to shock me
me: protector
(it starts to rain)
worms: the revolution has begun.
Usain Bolt has the greatest Tinder profile picture of all time on his hands.
