@aimlessamers: No thanks, 28 yr old hitting on me at the bar... With our age difference, I wouldn't be a cougar... more like a saber-toothed tiger.
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@TheHyyyype: TEACHER: That's the third time this week - please explain your tardiness ME: Well, it basically means that I've been late
@InternetHippo: "The ship is sinking!" Me (calmly): bring me noodles, tomatoes, and cheese "You can save us with that?" Me (making one last lasagna): what
@GrantTanaka: me: ah shit, 4 missed calls from my mom...[stares at door] [FBI agents kick in door] WHY DO U EVEN HAVE A CELL PHONE IF U NEVER ANSWER IT
@buhsbaby_baby: Spiderman ruined romance for me. Please don't even think of kissing me unless you're hanging upside down from a building.