No thanks Black Friday crowds.

I do all my Christmas shopping online in a blind panic, as God intended.

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Fun Prank:
1.) Buy 35 coats
2.) Goto the movie theatre
3.) Put a coat on every chair in the row
4.) Relax


The cheese grader saw me walk in the house with a bag of shredded cheddar and shit got real awkward.


How to get out of jury duty: When they read the charges, yell out “Hell yeah! I’ve done that.”


Goodnight moon, goodnight stars, goodnight perfectly normal Purple Rain album cover where Prince’s eyes follow u across the room


Fun fact: The hip word “chillax” is a combination of the slang term “chill” and the more traditional word “laxative.”


Spider van
Spider van
How do spiders drive a van?
10 on top
10 below
Where would you like to go?
Get in.
Get in the Spider Van.


My mom asked me to text her at 5pm to remind her to get her thyroid medication so I do have plans


ate a tomato sandwich on the porch and watched some kids kick a can, if anyone wants anything from 1935


Have kids first so that you know whether or not you can keep a dog alive


Milk toast was probably named by same lazy guy that named the fireplace and waterfall.