@Donna_McCoy

No thanks Black Friday crowds.

I do all my Christmas shopping online in a blind panic, as God intended.

You Might Also Like

@heymonroe

Fun Prank:
1.) Buy 35 coats
2.) Goto the movie theatre
3.) Put a coat on every chair in the row
4.) Relax

@PaulyPeligroso

The cheese grader saw me walk in the house with a bag of shredded cheddar and shit got real awkward.

@sixfootcandy

How to get out of jury duty: When they read the charges, yell out “Hell yeah! I’ve done that.”

@Bownuggets

Goodnight moon, goodnight stars, goodnight perfectly normal Purple Rain album cover where Prince’s eyes follow u across the room

@michaelianblack

Fun fact: The hip word “chillax” is a combination of the slang term “chill” and the more traditional word “laxative.”

@Tarrigan

Spider van
Spider van
How do spiders drive a van?
10 on top
10 below
Where would you like to go?
Get in.
Get in the Spider Van.

@mattZillaaaa

My mom asked me to text her at 5pm to remind her to get her thyroid medication so I do have plans

@fightgeek

ate a tomato sandwich on the porch and watched some kids kick a can, if anyone wants anything from 1935

@envydatropic

Have kids first so that you know whether or not you can keep a dog alive

@markydoodoo

Milk toast was probably named by same lazy guy that named the fireplace and waterfall.