@: Nobody decline a call faster then a 3 year old watching YouTube
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@ArfMeasures: Son: How does this end? Me: Well, some people go to heaven, but others go to hell where they are tortured forever in a horrifying apocalyptic wasteland Son: No this movie Me: Shrek marries Fiona
@Reverend_Scott: And then God said, "Let there be Black Friday." and he saw that it was a terrible idea but it was too late cuz people were already in line.
@_elvishpresley_: Elton John: Mars ain’t the kinda place to raise your kids... Neil Degrasse Tyson: [peers over newspaper] Elton John: in fact it’s cold as hell Neil Degrasse Tyson: [nods, goes back to reading]