nobody needs to go to school for code. if your code doesnt work just keep putting } at the end until it works
You Might Also Like
*signs your yearbook “best friends for life”
*never speaks to you again *
Everyone: backing into parking spaces is stupid
Person who backs into parking spaces: the world is not ready for my level of ingenuity
I like to pack a healthy lunch for work so that by 3 p.m. I’m ready to do unspeakable things for a piece of chocolate.
angel: whatcha making?
god: *buffing a shark* dolphin
Me: I just don’t see how Luigi could afford a mansion like that on a plumber’s salary, especially since he worked for his brother
Wife: see what I mean?
Therapist: shut up for a second he has a point
When you stop being a vegan –
is it called losing your veganity ?
Failed my Politics exam. “Describe the role that India plays in the modern world”.
Apparently “Tech Support” is not the correct answer.
When people say they’re speechless I always hope they mean it but they usually keep talking
“wait..so its a face transplant”
“yes”
“but his voice’
“your voice is tied to your face how u look is how u sound this is just science”
“ok nic cage”
I talk a lot of shit for a middle aged woman who still calls it a potty.
What you call those little potatoes with all the eyes?
Speck taters
I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.
*popular kid is struggling in class
*gets a tutor to help
*Kool-Aid
[at restaurant trying not to let anyone know I’m a koala]
Waiter: “what can I get u?”
“do u have any eucalyptus?”
*restaurant goes quiet*
[blind date]
Her: so what do you do for fu..
Me: I’M 34 IF YOU DON’T FALL IN LOVE WITH ME I’M STATISTICALLY UNLIKELY TO EVER FIND A MATE
Cat: HUMAN TERRIBLE THING HAPPEN TO CAT
Me: what
Cat: WAS SLEEPING IN SUN PUDDLE BUT SUN PUDDLE IN DIFFERENT PLACE NOW
Me: yeah Earth’s rotation means the sun is constantly changing positions in the sky
Cat:
Cat:
Cat: MAKE THAT NOT HAPPENING
Me: I can’t
Cat: UR USELESS HUMAN
T-Rex, watching the comet about to crash into the earth: I hope I’m remembered for my colorful and beautiful feathers.
Most people think that being in your 50s is now classed as the new 30s.
Take my word for It, the police speed cameras think differently
Realizing that someone else will be in charge of this shitshow is really a selling point for demon possession
UPDATE: Twitter Reacts To The Scottish Independence Referendum #indyref #ScotlandDecides
gonna buy myself something nice
like a straight jacket
[on a first date]
Me: sure, I’d love to see your basement
I hate when I’m trying to be handsome & a more handsome man stands next to me & handsomes much harder than I can.
Gas stations be like:
Here’s some complimentary filthy water and a filthy sponge/squeegee so you can “wash” your windshield. You are very welcome.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
me: how much per hour?
babysitter: $15
me: okay here’s $2.37 million see you in 18 years
I don’t care which way the toilet paper faces. I was raised with real problems.
5yo: Daddy, what’s a facial?
Me: Your brother.
5yo: I don’t have a brother!?
Me: Exactly!
Order a pizza then act confused when it arrives. “A delivery for Aaron? Aarons DEAD. He DIED ordering a pizza in this house 10 years ago”
if you ever wanna impress a girl just bring a baby on your date and then basically just outperform the baby at everything it’s really easy