@junejuly12: Nobody tell my Fitbit that today’s steps are coming from inside the casino.
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@Sam19eighty: Mom: I'm worried you might end up alone. nMe: Don't worry mom, do you know how many followers i have???nMom: ... ( Worried face)
@Bownuggets: Sexy singles are waiting to talk to u. They don't sleep. They wait. Forever waiting. Will u free them from this sexy prison? Call now
@PleaseBeGneiss: [car accident] Other driver: YOU TURNED INTO ME! Me: *looking at hands* like Freaky Friday?