Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for?
Me: I didn’t know there was going to be a test at the end.
4-year-old: Can I call people peasants at school?
You Might Also Like
Today I learned that wolves are not ticklish. Tomorrow I need to learn how to tie my shoes with one hand.
Thanks for sending your Blackberry pin to my iPhone.
When did you get electricity in your cave?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
“Lost Unicorn…if found please stop doing drugs.”
this is why i’m friendless
Me: Where’s the remote?
Toddler: I didn’t eat it!
Me: this math stuff isn’t gonna help us in the real world
[20 years later]
Boss: ok lift on three
Me: oh shit
[creating the Minotaur]
Zeus: you want a bull centaur?
Zeus: but pissed off all the time?
Zeus: *thinks a while* so let’s just give it the front half of the bull.
Zeus: like a hairy Ken doll
Please stop giving your dogs human names. My sons Buster & Lucky are getting pretty sensitive about this!