4-year-old: Can I call people peasants at school?

You Might Also Like


Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for?
Me: I didn’t know there was going to be a test at the end.


Today I learned that wolves are not ticklish. Tomorrow I need to learn how to tie my shoes with one hand.


Thanks for sending your Blackberry pin to my iPhone.

When did you get electricity in your cave?


Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?


Me: this math stuff isn’t gonna help us in the real world

[20 years later]

Boss: ok lift on three

Me: oh shit


[creating the Minotaur]

Zeus: you want a bull centaur?

Pasiphae: yeah

Zeus: but pissed off all the time?

Pasiphae: yeah

Zeus: *thinks a while* so let’s just give it the front half of the bull.

Pasiphae: Wut?

Zeus: like a hairy Ken doll


Please stop giving your dogs human names. My sons Buster & Lucky are getting pretty sensitive about this!