Gonna create a dating app for dentists called Cavity Search
*nonchalantly waters the geraniums with a lawnmower*
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Emails now be like: I hope you are staying safe, sheltered in place, stocked with toilet paper, and healthy during these absolutely unprecedented, wild, chaotic, terrifying times. Just wanted to follow up-
I’m sorry but shits and giggles don’t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
Soldier Dying on Omaha Beach.
“dont forget to tell my wife i love her…
and…and…honor me every year with a
Tell me your dreams and fantasies!
Mine is seeing Deadpool and Freddy Krueger pillow fight.
Wife’s outta her goddamn mind if she thinks I won’t purposely fall off this ladder to prove we should’ve hired someone to wash the windows.
If you weren’t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn’t package them in rows of 15.
Don’t eat yellow snow. Red snow, on the other hand, is debatable. Could be horrible, could be cherry.
She called me ugly
I called her an ambulance
Of course I’m not leaving. I’m just going to step outside for a minute. (Runs to car)