Why didn’t Harry just grab the horcruxes, fly on the giant eagles to Mordor, and have Yoda destroy them with his phaser???
none of the animals i designed and invented are at the zoo. do they even check the suggestion box
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The best part about being a comma is that you’re usually followed by a nice big BUT.
Superheroes come from broken homes & inattentive parents.
Parents, stop hugging your kids. We need a Batman.
Pizza Hut is going gluten free so while you are dying from a heart attack you can atleast not have gas problems
My GF just passed the Bar. Not only will I be a stay at home Dad Im suing everyone.
[on horseback dressed as a knight]
ME: I wish to battle your King
CASHIER: Sir please get out of the drive-thru
ME: Tell that coward to come out and defend his throne
CASHIER: There is no actual Burger King
I’m sorry, but pouring some sugar on someone just sounds like a housekeeping nightmare.
The year is 2057: Friday the 13th part 573…. Jason finds a fabulous pair of shoes to match his outfit.
You don’t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
I mix up the Marvel and DC universes on purpose just for the angry sex