“Some people call me the space cowboy”
“Some people call me the gangster of love”
BARISTA: I’m just gonna put Steve on the cup
Nonwriters: How do you write a book?
Writers: Well, you write and delete a lot. Then spend three hours researching, and correct it. Next you doubt your grasp on the english language and rewrite it again
Nonwriters: Then you’re done?
Writers: Then you start the next paragraph
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ME: OMG I CAN’T BREATHE I ATE WAY TOO MUCH CALL A DOCTOR
HER: do you want dessert?
ME: ok, but just a small slice.
It wouldn’t be appropriate for me to comment further but that’s not going to stop me.
I have decided I will never get down to my original weight. Besides 7.5 pounds is unrealistic anyway.
I weighed myself today,
then I ate the scale.
Always trust your dog’s first impression of someone.
“What if we just throw some pretty-colored marshmallows in with some cat food?”
-inventor of Lucky Charms
Thanks, I wrote the tweet. There’s no need to reiterate it back to me with quotation marks.
If I’ve learned any thing from dogs and cats, it’s that you can rub your head on people when you want attention.
Back in my day a “selfie,” was something you did with the door locked and a bottle of lotion.