@Authoralexp

Nonwriters: How do you write a book?

Writers: Well, you write and delete a lot. Then spend three hours researching, and correct it. Next you doubt your grasp on the english language and rewrite it again

Nonwriters: Then you’re done?

Writers: Then you start the next paragraph

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@ArfMeasures

“Some people call me the space cowboy”

*leans in*

“Some people call me the gangster of love”

BARISTA: I’m just gonna put Steve on the cup

@ericsshadow

ME: OMG I CAN’T BREATHE I ATE WAY TOO MUCH CALL A DOCTOR

HER: do you want dessert?

ME: ok, but just a small slice.

@Fickle_Filly

It wouldn’t be appropriate for me to comment further but that’s not going to stop me.

@lunasgarden_

I have decided I will never get down to my original weight. Besides 7.5 pounds is unrealistic anyway.

@AmishPornStar1

“What if we just throw some pretty-colored marshmallows in with some cat food?”

-inventor of Lucky Charms

@gorrdano

Thanks, I wrote the tweet. There’s no need to reiterate it back to me with quotation marks.

@caseytduncan

If I’ve learned any thing from dogs and cats, it’s that you can rub your head on people when you want attention.

@215potter

Back in my day a “selfie,” was something you did with the door locked and a bottle of lotion.