@louvregguk

normal person: 9+7=16

me: if 10+7 is 17 and 9 is one less than 10 then 9+7 must be 16

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@ThisOneSayz

Marriage is like Disneyland. Magical at first but then you realize that there’s someone else in the Mickey suit.

@rachel2manypaws

The toughest part of any long distance relationship is the 6 hour drive to slash their tires.

@wolfpupy

jewelry making tip: a simple can of gold spraypaint can turn a chicken nugget into a gold nugget

@rohtalks

As Newton once said, “For every male action, there is a female over-reaction”.

@KeetPotato

wife: can you stop messing around
lawyer: im not
wife: just read my husband’s will please
lawyer: that’s what it says.. “oOoOoh im a ghost”

@dumbbeezie

Sometimes I think I want to have a baby but then I wake up the next morning still holding my beer and I think maybe not

@ArfMeasures

Me: I got the birthday cake for our son

Wife: It says Happy 3rd Birthday Josh

Me: oh shit he’s gonna be 4 isn’t he

Wife: His name is Jake

@kumailn

Guys, please don’t judge someone based on stuff they wrote themselves in a public forum meant to reach the widest possible audience.