@gabbybendel: nothing says 2019 like when you group text your family from the bathroom to bring you toilet paper
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@JediGigi: If I wear a wizard hat and robe to my cousin's wedding this weekend, I bet no one asks me if I'm next.
@sixfootcandy: *puts powdered sugar around my nostrils and walks into blind date set up by my mom*
@nbadag: [christmas eve] SON: i’m gonna stay up late and catch santa claus! ME: listen kiddo, about santa SON: yea? ME: [whispering] he could snap u in half like a damn twig SON: what ME: he’s wily too. like a jackal