(sheepishly putting my arm around pitbull) so is there a mrs worldwide
Now that I’ve removed my windshield wipers I shouldn’t be getting anymore parking tickets.
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my toddler is screaming because I’m wearing earplugs because my toddler is screaming
“Well-behaved women seldom make history,” I whisper as I don’t wait the full ten minutes for the oven to preheat.
Being a Jedi isn’t all bad.
I’ve been sitting around in my bathrobe for decades.
No words… #IdiotOlympics
Him: Choose your weapons.
Him: See? This is why everyone wants you dead.
(strolls into men’s warehouse)
yes, and hello and how much to
keep all my mens here
I’m the dog whisperer. I’ll whisper the word “dog” 20.. hell, 30 times if the price is right
Ha ha! OH, HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED!
“dude, are you gonna do this every time you rearrange the furniture”
With the proper diet and lack of exercise, you can turn any jeans into skinny jeans.