@DurtMcHurtt: Nuff said? No seriously, what did Nuff say?
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@fart: when a date asks you what your dreams are you gotta say you want a family or a great career or something. dont bring up the one where you catch a meteorite with a baseball glove and its the shrunken head of your old gym teacher who tells you the exact date and time you will die
@SaltyCorpse: Do you ever go back and read your old tweets and wonder, "My God... What was I on and do I have any left?"?
@SincerelyMen: "Seize the day" in Latin is "Carpe Diem" ..."Seize the day" in Douchebag is "YOLO"
@Chel__CLE: When my husband brags that girls hit on him at work, I just remind him that I make more money than him. We both go to bed happy.