Don’t tell me where I go when I die, I want it to be a surprise
Obama has been endorsed by Warren Buffett, Colin Powell, Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates. Romney has been endorsed by Lindsay Lohan.
You Might Also Like
Harper Lee: This is the worst writer’s block I’ve ever had
Mockingbird: Oh big surprise you stupid idiot
Harper Lee: *eyes narrowing*
*casually walks into a crowded Sushi Restaurant wearing a dolphin costume* *suddenly stops, looks horrified, & backs slowly out the door*
Her: Why are we in this McDonalds drive though? You promised we were going for a romantic picnic under the stars.
Me: *Opens sun roof*
You miss one dog birthday and he’s acting like I’ve missed the last 7!
My wife said that I set up the baby monitor wrong. Apparently it’s not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby’s ankle.
HER: i’m super close to my dad
ME: *trying to impress* you’re grounded
My Christmas shopping will be financed by my swear jar again this year.
This COVID shit lasting like a Honda Civic