@MarlonBrandNO: Oceanography is all about current events
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@SondraDeeMe: [job interview] What experience do you have plucking chickens? Me: See all those hairs on my chin? No. Me: Exactly.
@dubiousrhetoric: WORKOUT GUY: Climbing stairs after leg day is the worst bro! ME: My face hurts because I napped too hard on my face.
@ems: I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn't even eat them.