If I was in charge of the Batman movies I would do a brief scene where it’s implied there is a Batman in every city in America, each of varying skill. For example, the one in Grand Rapids is locked in his car
Of course I’m English.
I’m the retard convict cousin you shipped off to Australia back in the day.
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The great songs ask the eternal questions: Where have all the flowers gone? How can you mend a broken heart? Who let the dogs out?
You really have to question the judgment of people who have children on purpose.
Me: can I buy you a drink?
Me: *looking at bank account* you’re right
Him: “You’ll never find another guy like me.”
Me: “That’s kind of the point.”
FRIEND: Can I ask for a favor?
ME: *yelling over my shoulder as I bolt away* YOU CAN ALWAYS TRY.
How to kill a spider: get a piece of tissue paper, approach it slowly, and very carefully, burn the house down.
Saw a guy on the highway in the car next to me sneeze so I ran him off the road and into the barrier. We’re in this together, folks
“She liked it but it didn’t have a bay window for her cat,” said the House Hunters narrator before walking into the sea.