@JermHimselfish: Of course this milk is fresh, I just saw it breakdancing in the back of the refrigerator.
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@simoncholland: [at preschool open house hearing nut allergy policy] *raises hand* What if I draw a peanut on her napkin? Wife: Please go wait in the car
@Sal0630: Boss: I was listening to some Tool on the way to work. Me: I talk to myself when I'm driving sometimes too, it's ok. Boss: Just get out.
@Tmoney68: Sure, my bologna has a first name, but he's a stickler for manners so he insists we still call him Mr. Bologna.
@GreenishDuck: Sure I'll eat square slices of pizza, but I'm thinking of triangular ones the whole time.